We all have that moment, the one where fear shows up, plants its feet, and dares you to move. More times than I can count, I’ve been scared to death to do something and, instead of facing it, I just avoided it. As time ticked by, those fears multiplied. My imagination took over and suddenly the thing I was avoiding felt enormous.
Here’s the problem with avoiding things: it keeps you stuck. And being stuck is the enemy of confidence.
What Fear Actually Is (And Why It’s Not Your Enemy)
There are those scary moments in life that can’t be avoided. You get thrown into them, and as you’re on the other side, you realize that everything your imagination ever promised could go wrong only ever lived in your imagination. Somehow, you manage to survive.
The more I’ve been thrown into uncomfortable situations, the more I’ve realized how adaptable I actually am. It isn’t always easy, but things have a way of working themselves out. In general, we are all extremely adaptable when we need to be and it took me moving to another country to remind me of that. You really find out what you’re made of when you’re living outside of your comfort zone.
There are two ways to look at fear. You can treat it like the enemy and avoid it at all costs. Or, you can look at it as an overprotective friend who is doing everything they can to keep you safe.
When you start to look at fear that way, it becomes a lot easier to say, “I appreciate your concern, but knock it off — I got this.”
Using Fear as a Confidence-Building Tool
Fear is there to keep you safe. Your ego likes to sneak in and trick you into staying in place, that little voice that says, “You can’t do that. You won’t be safe.”
Knowing that, you can start to use your fear as a tool. Get better at asking it: “What are you here to show me?”
Sometimes fear is useful and will keep you from genuinely dangerous situations. So it’s worth pausing to ask yourself:
- Is there really something to be scared of here?
- What is the worst thing that could happen if I face this?
- Is my safety actually in jeopardy?
- What do I have to gain from facing this fear?
How Small Acts of Courage Compound Into Big Confidence
You don’t have to face all of your fears overnight. Every single time you do something that scares you even a little bit, celebrate it. Then go back and do it again and again until it’s nothing.
The more you face the things that scare you, the more your confidence grows and the less scary they become.
Once you get that first thing behind you, you’ll realize it wasn’t as bad as you’d anticipated. And then it becomes a little more exciting to take on the next challenge. Facing your fears doesn’t just help you grow as a person, it makes it easier to accomplish big goals, strengthen your self-confidence, leave bad situations, and open up opportunities you never would have found otherwise.
My Story: From a Solo Dinner to a New Country
There was a time when I was scared to go out to dinner by myself. One night, I had a ridiculous food craving and the choice was: stay home or go out alone. My craving won. I sat at the bar, nervous as anything, and looked around at everyone else in the restaurant, only to find that nobody was paying attention. People were watching sports, scrolling their phones, caught up in their own conversations.
Nobody cared. I survived. It wasn’t so bad.
It took many more solo dinners before it stopped freaking me out entirely, but here’s the surprising part: it’s now something I genuinely love. I’ve met so many wonderful people and enjoyed quiet time alone with a good book. That small act of courage was the foundation for every bigger one that followed.
The next fear I tackled was traveling alone. I booked a vegan cruise by myself and ended up paired with the sweetest roommate. I met people I still keep in touch with to this day. I think the trip was even better because I was alone. I had the flexibility to do exactly what I wanted and connected with people I might have missed otherwise.
Then came the biggest one: traveling to another country alone. Different currency, different language, everything unfamiliar. I talked to a lot of people, got a lot of advice, and eventually worked up the courage to book the flight.
One year ago this week, I moved to another country by myself. It has been an amazing experience, one I never would have had the guts to take if I hadn’t decided to feed a shrimp fajita craving one random night.
Your Confidence Is Built One Brave Step at a Time
That overprotective friend still sneaks up on me sometimes. But it’s become a lot easier to quiet her down.
The truth is, confidence isn’t something you find before you take action, it’s something you build because of the action. Every time you choose bravery over fear, you’re stacking up evidence that you can handle more than you think. If you need some simple ideas to start shifting things in your life, I invite you to join my Small Weekly Challenges To Change Your Life.
You never know where that growing confidence could end up taking you. Mine took me to Spain.
So , what will your first step be?
Photo credit: Erfan Moghadm